Embracing the Chaos: A Mother's Guide to Guilt-Free Parenting

Embracing The ChaosJaune

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This one's for all of you who occasionally feel guilty about swearing, raising your voice, or expressing frustration in what we’ll call a healthy way. Let’s face it: catering to three autistic kids and a husband who seems as distant as Mars, isn't a walk on the beach. Seriously! Why can’t he grasp my need for a little peace and quiet? this leaves me with limited options for venting!

I rarely get a break, and when I do, it’s usually interrupted by the sounds of screaming, rattling doorknobs, and surprise attacks on my sanctuary, the bathroom. I try to escape with headphones, a hot bath, and a facial mask, which almost feels like I’ve transcended to a spa… until I open my eyes to find my Artsy MacGyver peering over the tub like she’s investigating a suspicious crime scene!

In those moments, I can’t help but think, “What the flip? Why aren’t you being supervised? Why can’t Dad take over for just five minutes?” Let’s be real: I’m not against swearing or yelling when it makes sense (who hasn’t let a curse slip when knee-deep in chaos?). I refuse to beat myself up about it! Living under pressure from 3 or 4 AM (thank you for that Sonny) to bedtime doesn’t leave much room for zen moments.

Now, usually when I wake up at 3 AM for some personal time, exercise, coffee, and reflection, I find that my swearing and yelling mysteriously decline. Too bad those golden hours only happen when I’m juggling Jacki’s extracurriculars in the late afternoon! On the days I skip my “me time,” my nerves are as frayed as a worn-out sock.

And can we talk about double standards? My husband often hits me with the classic “Why are you yelling?” or “Don’t curse!” Um, hello? He deals with the kids for, like, five minutes while I’m in the trenches all day! In that short span... let's just say that he speaks less than proper. I get it, though; this job can feel torturous, especially when you’re trying to teach while navigating a cacophony of crying and whining. The difference between he and I is that I don't see or feel the need to judge him for it.

Lately, Sonny has turned into the Resistance Champion, with screams that could shatter glass. I hate feeling frustrated, and I keep telling myself he’ll adapt to his virtual school and O.T. schedule. But after a day with my other daughter, Artsy, and her challenges, it’s hard to stay positive. I’ve put in great effort to find schools and programs that allow her to integrate with neurotypical children with me shadowing her, which allows us the flexibility to participate when she’s in a "good mood." But when we arrive and Artsy throws a tantrum—going from laughter to trying to escape or throwing herself backward on my lap—it’s hard not to want to crawl under a rock. And let’s not even talk about bedtime! It’s not just a simple affair; I’m juggling flossing, brushing teeth, and “showtime”—all of which feels like a toss-up. Most days, it’s more of a toss-down as I brace myself for resistance at every turn. By the time we finally settle in for the night, I’m not sure who’s more exhausted: me or the kids! Just to be fair, my husband, thank God, usually handles the bedtime routine due to my early hours, but when he is either exhausted or unavailable, it falls back on me.

So here’s the deal. We’ve got to accept that sometimes our frustrations bubble over. A little shout after seven rounds of “nice parenting” or a frustrated curse meant just for our ears (which the kids inevitably overhear) is totally okay! We’re still on the job, and we haven’t quit. Others might choose to say, “This is too much!” and walk away, but not us! We keep pushing through.

We are beautiful, amazing, and incredibly strong. It’s time to love ourselves and look in the mirror, saying, “Wow, you are doing the damn thing!” Remember, it’s okay to allow yourself to vent and make mistakes. We care for our families, so we must also care for ourselves.

In your home, your sanctuary, don’t let the world’s negativity get to you. Stand tall and walk out with your head held high, because you’re doing an amazing job!